My daughter and her family had been gone from the US for three years. The flight was late. Their body clocks said it was close to five AM. It had been almost twenty-four hours since they got up.
They came down the jet way looking tired but happy. And all the tired in the world was not enough to cap the buoyant energy of two small boys who ran full tilt to slam into me and the Most Beautiful Woman in the World to get their "Welcome Home" hug.
Hugs are one of the great things about being a grandfather. With my daughter's family here this week, there have been plenty, as they visit for a few days before heading on to Martin's next post in Texas. There has been lots of talking and catching up, too. It's occurred to me that my kids are starting to treat me the way I did my mom and dad.
At some point, I stopped seeing my parents as people who knew everything. Then I passed through the stage where I thought they were clue-less, and started to see them as people who were wise. The facts they knew became less important to me than the lessons they had learned from life.
We all talk about that stuff. Sometimes it's a comment in passing. Sometimes it's a long talk deep into the night. My children, Dave, Debbie and Di, Debbie's husband Martin and Ty, Lindsay, and Joanna, the young folks who came into my life with the Most Beautiful Woman in the World, all ask me what I think, even if it's just to disagree or test their own growing awareness of what they believe.
So, kind of suddenly, it's important for me to have an idea of what matters, of what I've learned so far. And it would be kind of nice if it actually made some sense. It needs to be short, too, because they want to be out and trying more than talking. So here goes.
Look, kids, there are a lot of trade-offs in life. It's not that you can't have it all, but you sure can't have it all all the time. You've got to do a bit of artful balancing and choosing.
You have to balance the big stuff and the small stuff. Be a part of something that is bigger than you are. Have values and faith. But remember, too, that it's not the elephants that bite you most, it's the gnats and mosquitoes.
You have to balance the short term and the long term. It's funny, but a lot of long term success comes down to the little things you do every day. So have goals, but make sure you do something every day to help you achieve them.
You have to balance achievement and relationships. Neither one, all by itself, is enough. The marvel is when they work together naturally and easily. Then the good relationship gives you strength and a base from which you can soar farther and higher. It gives you safe haven when you stumble and fall, as you certainly will. Care for others and spend your time, attention and money on them.
But don't neglect achievement, either. We simply can't live only for others. We must live for ourselves, too. We must venture out into the world and bring back trophies and interesting artifacts and stories to share. And, marvel of marvels, when we do that it usually makes our relationships better.
Stuff will happen to you. Some of it will be good and some will be bad, but what will matter most is what you do with it. Like my mom used to say, "What good can we make of this?"
Last Saturday night we went to the ceremony honoring Wilmington artist Harry Davis as Man of the Year. Years ago, the Army offered young Private Harry Davis the opportunity to go to West Point. He turned it down. Knowing Harry, he would have wound up a General if he'd gone, but he turned it down.
Harry went to the 82nd Airborne and jumped out of planes. Until the day his chute didn't open. Pine trees broke his fall and kept him from being killed. He came home to Wilmington in a wheelchair.
Without either of those events, Harry's life would have been different. And so would ours. We wouldn't have those marvelous, powerful paintings. The kids he works with wouldn't know the touch of his spirit. Those spring from the man and the artist that is Harry Davis.
Harry had always been able to draw, all the way back to the days he was drawing Hillcrest Hawks on team sweatshirts. But, hey, he thought everybody could draw. The choice he made and the accident led him to a place were he would concentrate on that strength and develop it.
Find out what your strengths are, what you do well and easily. And build on them. An awful lot of success and happiness in life comes from that.
Along the way, balance your attention to body, mind and spirit. They all need care. They all need to grow.
Tomorrow our time together is done. Debbie and Martin and the boys will climb into the car for the drive to his next duty station in Texas. Teddy, who is five, will be sure to ask if we will come to his house soon. Diego who is three, and doesn't yet understand all this, will surely ask me if I am coming with them and look puzzled when I say, "No."
We will all hug and cry a little, both before and after parting. I will probably watch until their car is out of sight and then begin pointing toward the next time will be together with more than words. I will crave the sight of Martin's smile, the sound of Debbie's laugh, the bone shattering hugs of the boys, until we are together and talking again.
And, so, Godspeed on your journey mi caros, both to Texas and through life.
This feature appeared on 18 June 2001
